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EXPAS.SOS 04

I do not sleep, I do not expect to sleep. Not even in death do I hope to sleep. Expect me an insomnia of the width of the stars, And a useless yawn of the length of the world. I do not sleep; I can not read when I wake up at night, I can not write when I wake up at night, I can not think when I wake up at night - God, I can not even dream when I wake up at night! Ah, the opium of being somebody else! I do not sleep, jazo, corpse awake, feeling, And my feeling is an empty thought. They pass by me, upset, things that have happened to me "All those I regret and blame myself for; They pass by me, upset, things that have not happened to me "All those I regret and blame myself for; They pass by me, upset, things that are nothing, And even those I regret, I blame myself, and I do not sleep. I do not have the strength to have the energy to light a cigarette. I stare at the wall of the room as if it were the universe. Outside there is the silence of this whole thing. A great fearful silence on any other occasion, Any other time I could feel it. I'm writing really nice verses - Verses to say that I have nothing to say, Verses to stubborn in saying this, Verses, verses, verses, verses, verses ... So many verses ... And the whole truth, and the whole life outside of them and me! I am sleepy, I do not sleep, I feel and I do not know what to feel. I am a sensation without a corresponding person, An abstraction of unconscious self-consciousness, Except for what is necessary to feel consciousness, Except - I do not know what ... I do not sleep. I do not sleep. I do not sleep. What a great sleep in the whole head and in the eyes and in the soul! What a great sleep in everything except being able to sleep! O dawn, you take so long ... Come ... Uselessly, Bring me another day like this, to be followed by another night like this ... Come and bring me the joy of this sad hope, Because you are always cheerful, and always bring hope, According to the old literature of sensations. Come, bring the hope, come, bring the hope. My tiredness goes through the mattress inside. My back hurts not to be lying on my side. If I were lying on my side, my back hurt when I was lying on my side. Come, dawn, that's enough! What time is it? Do not know. I do not have the energy to reach out for the clock, I have no energy for anything, for nothing else ... Only for these verses, written the next day. Yes, written the next day. All verses are always written the next day. Absolute night, absolute quiet, outside. Peace in all of Nature. Humanity rests and forgets its bitterness. Exactly. Humanity forgets its joys and sorrows. This is often said. Humanity forgets, yes, Humanity forgets, But even awake Humanity forgets. Exactly. But I do not sleep. Insomnia. Álvaro de Campos, heteronymous with Fernando Pessoa



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